Euphemisms Make it Hurt Less

I love euphemisms. By disguising negativity with flowery prose, many people get distracted from the message at hand. Here are some translations of the statements in this letter to layman terms:

I'm afraid Grove/Atlantic is a small publishing house and we have to be selective about what we take on. (Translation: "We don't have the kind of budget to take on a project that we think will fail.")

Due to limited resources of time and manpower, we cannot accept unsolicited manuscripts or manuscripts that do not come to us through a literary agent. (Translation: "If you're not good enough to have someone take care of these things for you, we're not interested.")

As you may already know, there are several books on the market that can be useful for beginning an agent search. (Translation: "Obviously, you're going to need a lot of help to actually find someone willing to represent you.")

Thank you for thinking of us, and good luck with the project. (Translation: "Please never contact us again.")

Now don't you feel better?

This Really is the Best Job in the World

Normally, I would find some way of mocking the self-proclaimed "best job in the world," but I don't think anyone would argue the merits of this gig. Check out the job description:

The role of Island Caretaker is a six-month contract, based on luxurious Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef. It’s a live-in position with flexible working hours and key responsibilities include exploring the islands of the Great Barrier Reef to discover what the area has to offer. You’ll be required to report back on your adventures to Tourism Queensland headquarters in Brisbane (and the rest of the world) via weekly blogs, photo diary, video updates and ongoing media interviews. On offer is a unique opportunity to help promote the wondrous Islands of the Great Barrier Reef.

It looks like the contest is over (for now), but check out the full description if you want to try to take over in a few months.

Probably Should've Seen This One Coming...

I know this one has been making the rounds on the internet, but it's still pretty funny. Reasons notwithstanding, you have to give the BBC credit for sending such a personalized letter, even to such a, ahem, unique applicant.

The NFL: Where Redundancy Happens

Dear [name redacted]

Thank you for submitting an application for the National Football League's Junior Rotational Program through our Career Center. We received over 1,000 applications for this program and our screening team reviewed all submissions. Unfortunately, our hiring needs force us to make some difficult decisions and we will not be interviewing you for this position. For future employment opportunities, please continue to check our NFL Career Center, which is accessible at  

Thank you for your interest in the National Football League and our Junior Rotational Program. 

National Football League

Really? How difficult is it to sign off in a letter to someone to whom you will never write again? They could have said something about staying 100 yards away from now on and it would have ended the letter better than just repeating their opening line.

I Bet They Have a HUGE Fountain

Internships Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 5:19 PM
To: Internships

Thank you for your application for the 2009 Creative Artists Agency Summer Intern Program (SIP). 

This year we received a record number of applicants from across the country and abroad. The selection committee reviewed hundreds of applications and after careful consideration we are unable to offer you a position for summer of 2009. The committee enjoyed your application but at this point we do not have a spot.

Please feel free to re‐apply next year for SIP 2010.

Thank you again for your interest and best wishes.

As one of the best talent agencies in the world, I bet the guys at CAA could have anyone they want.

Florida Marlins Media Relations Internship

This was one of the more interesting application experiences we've featured, as the Marlins held a large internship fair at their stadium in what amounted to lining up for an hour or more to wait to interview with one of 15 different departments.

It's a sweet gig if you get it though, at $800/month for a full year.

We thank you for your interest in the Florida Marlins and our internship programs. This year we had many qualified candidates, and the attendance at our Job Fair was proof of that. We would like to extend a thank you to all of those students/candidates that took the time to apply for these positions and make an effort to attend the Job Fair to interview with our front office staff. We are currently finalizing the 2010 internship group and have filled all of the positions that we had available. At this time, we would like to inform those of you that did not receive a request for a follow-up interview that we appreciate the time that you have put forth towards these positions, and we encourage you to attend the job fair next year as well.

Once again, thank you for your efforts and best of luck to you in your future endeavors.

Brian Estes
Human Resources Coordinator
Florida Marlins, L.P.

Boston's Bouknight Strikes Again!

The Boston Globe comes through as a repeat offender for the Rejection Blog with their 2010 rejection letter. I'll give them credit though, as this year's iteration is actually somewhat personal compared to last year's letter.

Says our contributer, "Strange, I was e-mailed by the Globe's internship coordinator and offered an interview, but they never called. So I e-mailed them my updated contact information and got a quick response."

Dear [name redacted],
Thank you for your interest in the Boston Globe summer internship program.
I must inform you that you were not selected for an internship in 2010.
Unfortunately, there were too many good applicants for too few slots.
I hope you apply again.

And thanks for the blog items you sent. They were fun and

Paula Bouknight